I’m Mad With Myself or Maybe World
A rant
I don’t know how to start, to be honest I just want to ranting. So it’ll just be a rant and if you read this well thanks and good you’ll wasting your times by reading this trash. Trust me I keep writing and deleting it just to find the best words. So, if you finding some misspell or grammatical error in this article or whatever you call it just tell me or if you want to judge me because of my stupid english well go on! I don’t particularly care.
Have you ever heard NIve song-Tired? well this song it’s my recently most played song now. The message of this song is so relatable. Feel “Tired” for no reason at some point in my live. I have no reason why I’m tired but I just am. Sometimes it’s just easier to say you’re “Tired” than trying to explain yourself, because you yourself don’t even know why you’re feeling this way, aren’t we? Go listen to this song and give my NIve some loves and thank me later. Wufff, it sound more like promotion than ranting lol.
Well, it’s not a first time I feel tired with my life tho. I mean life it’s just too often letting me down! Why me why?! Let me elaborate it.
First, I feel like I am the olny one who don’t have any ability on something. Can’t sing, can’t dance, can’t drawing, have no kind sense of aesthetic, can’t socialize and more. I mean why not just give me one or two or three? why God don’t give me even just one ability? or maybe I have but I just don’t discover it, yet? Well I don’t know, the point now is at this age I still don’t know what my ability, what my passion is, I just feel like a zombie. Ugh that was wordy.
Second, I will begrudgingly said I was stupid, fucking stupid. I don’t know why I can’t get things done perfectly, I always messed up everything, not everything but most. The last thing I remember that I messed up with my public speaking class and I was embarrassing myself in front off all my classmates. Further, I’m scared of my lack of knowledge, if I opened my Instagram I’ve seen so many people post something great about their life, like they all have a tons of achievements, knowing their path, always productive everyday. One of my friends already making money in her age at 20’s and even she’s already start investing her money. Me? duh nothing. Waiting for my ongoing dramas to be released, watching YouTube videos how to stop procrastinating while I’m procrastinating my task to watch that freaking videos, scrolling twitter, Instagram, gladly my storage didn’t allow me to download TikTok, can’t imagine myself with TikTok . I’m probably would be the queen of laziness lol.
Third, I can’t socialize! I can, but it’s just too umm exhausting! I loved to hang out with my friends but only with those who I feel comfortable with. Moreover, this pandemic had made me more pathetic, God please I really need to get my life *cry a river. If this pandemic was over, I would start to socialize, promise!
Fourth, I have a tons of insecurities. I’m not pretty, i dont have a clear skin, i dont have a good eyes, good teeth, and other that I can’t even explain. Sometimes, I just wondering how it’s like to be pretty and good looking that maybe will makes your life easier. I don’t meant to be offensive, I just envy them. Some people said that being attractive gives you a privilege, easier to get friends, easier to find a job, and most of them are more confident than the ordinary one, which is me, and I do agree with that statement but still we can’t generalize it, right? And have you ever heard this statement “I feel prettier when I just woke up” well, I can’t relate cause I’d probably look like shrek in the morning. No joking.
I’m sleepy, it’s already 10.15 pm. So, I’ll just sum it up, yes I’ve been struggling a lot with things in my life and yes I’ve been so exhausting especially these day. However, I still have a lot of things that I grateful for, which is why I’m still breathing until now. Maybe, in the next article I will write about it “Things that I grateful for” whoa that’s briliant *let me be annoying. Whatever, I just’t want to share my thoughts, even though I don’t know someone will read it or not. That’s not my purpose to write it tho, but if you read it until the end of my word, well thank you!
If you feel the same way as me, it’s okay your feeling are valid. Perhaps you often hear those words, so I would give you some that different. If you tired with your life and couldn’t bear it anymore and you really want to die, then die. But, don’t forget about your sins and about “hell” about people that loved you. Ew, wth I’m writing that words, it sound too naive.
Okay bye! It’s getting late, my eyes are getting weary. Thanks for read my notes! Enjoy your cloud. I’ll put some of my best quote from Itaewon class.
“I just want to be rich”
That’s all bye! Stay safe! Mask on always! Have a pleasant day!
